Untitled
It’s a little over midnight. On my table there’s a sun block lotion, a pair of sunglasses, a lip gloss, wallet, and a few grapes on a twig. The latter I ate with my brother while watching Amelie, and the rest are reminiscent of the bike trip I had yesterday. The lotion I didn’t even use (facial skin too sensitive to oil and scents), but the shades and gloss I did. These and the cold coffee I made and intermittently consumed through out the day are keeping me up.
And a bit of unsaved notes on an electronic pad.
It contains a name. And a number. And an address. It was given by a friend today.
The fact that it is unsaved is telling of my being undecided about what to do with them. Thinking about it again makes me realize that there have been only a few things that I have chased after, so few that I have fully thrown my efforts into.
When I was in school, it was graduating. After that, getting to the capital city and passing the board exams. Finally, it was getting a job. I’ve done all these, and done well too. But these are not my dreams. These are the dreams of others for me. I have allowed myself to be waylaid, and unknowingly made excuses for not achieving some things. Maybe I stopped dreaming a little (I knew it, I need a more mind-stimulating job!).
And so there it is, staring at me from the bottom of my screen. Untitled - Notepad. Dare I even inquire? I have no experience at all, no portfolio to show, not an article to my name. But just the very possibility of being accepted thrills me. Already I am anticipating the mind work I will be putting into it, the long nights, research, editing, and more editing. I might miss my train stations while finding my thoughts…
But what if they reject me? They need someone with a real experience..they don’t like my style. Too flowery? Too plain? Too direct? It won’t sell..
Scary?
No, exciting.
I’m making up my mind that tomorrow I’m going to take another plunge into unknown waters. I’m thinking I’m going to need more coffee there. Maybe that’ll be the day I’m giving up badminton.
Hmmm..
Or not. :o)
